my fellow Hawaiian vacationers....

Here is my post of my fellow vacationers......We will start with "Robert". This kid was on the plane on the way over and his voice was so loud and he knew everything there was to know. Like fingernails on a chalkboard Robert was. Go away Robert. Here is the cutest lady I have ever seen. This picture really doesn't show it but she was so tiny and just what I pictured a Japanese grandma to look like. I could have taken her home in my suitcase, literally. She was that small and bent over. Probably had all her kids in the rice patty.

This is Oshi. He was the most helpful when it came to snorkeling. Our captain was a complete fool and I actually felt bad for Oshi and his co-worker. Yes, his hair is in dread locks.


Ahhh...my favorite. The best part of this picture is not the picture itself but the look on Monicas face when I pointed them out. If you can't tell (and if you can't you need to get your eyes checked) that is a g-string speedo. After I was brave enough to get close enough and snap the picture they turned over and the striped speedo started doing his Broadway routine complete with high kicks and jazz hands. I am not joking. And my husband wonders why I love the gays. You don't get better than this folks.

And then there is this: Please do not wear a speedo if you are older than 25. I beg you not to wear a speedo if you are younger than 25 also but especially the older part.




And there you have it my friends. Some of the people we encountered on our paradise vacation.

Pure joy...

Some Hawaii photos...

This is me most of the trip....relaxing by the ocean. Reading "the other Boleyn girl, (best book ever). Here is Harv all muscled out. One second Jeff and John are digging a huge hole, they ask us to go get the camera, by the time we return this is what they have constructed.
Awww, this lovely picture isn't what you think. I know what it looks like, poop. Nope, I was so excited to get down to the ocean that I started to climb down a ledge. It had been raining like 5 minutes earlier so schooooop....down I go. Getting the rusty mud out of my clothes is still a challenge.

Awwww, my sweet Maui onion rings that I ate EVERY day. My heart belongs to these little morsels of heaven.

Jeff and I posing in front of the temple. This is the same day that I slid half way down a mountain the size of Everest and the only other pants I had were my swim shorts.

more pictures coming soon....like the funny ones.....

Worst movie ever

So since I'm too depressed to blog about my Hawaii trip (yes it was that fabulous) I decided to blog about the dumbest show I have ever seen. While passing time in Waikiki we went to see this humdinger of two hours of wasted time. I thought to myself "hey the books were terrible but surely the movie can't be that bad." Oh boy was I wrong.

Yes the acting was that horrible.

Yes the stunts were low budget.

Yes I was in a theater full of teenagers that screemed every time Edward or Jacob walked on screen.

Yes Weekend with Bernie is a much better film.

I know that I am going to generate tons of hate mail and I'm okay with that. Bring it on.

I am so depressed to be away from paradise that I have to bag on something.

Hawaii pictures coming soon. I promise.

Blog on HOLD for a bit....

Why? you may ask....

Hawaii.

I will blog when we get back.
Aloha!
hopefully I will be able to forget about my children and get over leaving them.

Gilly falls asleep.....again......

Poor Austin. Nothing kills a good time playing faster than having your buddy fall asleep.

The Meanest Mom On The Block......

So lets go back for a moment, to the year 2000. I was working in the Recovery Room and there was a closet full of stuffed animals and cuddly blankets for the kids having surgery. One night while a little kid was in having surgery I went to the closet to get a bear or something and found this gem (see below picture). Oh I just Had to have it (besides it would have been quite cruel to give it to a sick kid). So I took it. Abby was almost 2 years old at the time and she was scared of it. Here, lets look closer and you'll see why:

Its the eyebrows I think.

Abby named him Mr. Banks after watching Mary Poppins. She thought he looked like the dad, Mr. Banks

Well, ever since I brought this hum dinger home and Abby has had an aversion to him we have played jokes here and there, sticking him in bed with her when she doesn't know it, or putting him in her backpack at odd intervals. Then, for some reason, we forgot about Mr. Banks.....until the other night when I was cleaning the playroom...

Second part of story......

On Halloween I found out that she is terrified of this book. Its about a dummy that comes to life. Well, I just had to order it and guess what came in the mail today?

Here is what awaits Abby tonight when she gets into bed:

I think she may want another mom.

Actual Conversation...

This one is deserves its own post...

Em: So, mom, who do you think will be President tomorrow?
Me: Well, here is how it works, the Pres....
Gilly: EM! I fink it will be Pwesident Monson.


At least he is listening.

Abby gets some metal

Today was a big day for little Miss Abby Nan. Here she is pre-braces waiting for the Orthodontist.... And here she is looking a wee bit older......

The entire time I was singing from Fiddler on the Roof....Sunrise, Sunset.

My Superheroes

My great friend Pam made this costume for Gilly. Not only was it a hit with him, it wasn't the cheap store made crap that he normally would be in because I can't sew. The amazing thing is this: I didn't even have to ask her to do it, she offered. I am blessed with great friends!

Here he is in all his glory.

And does anyone know who this SuperHero is supposed to be?All I know is that it was sort of creepy. He wouldn't wear it to work because he was afraid of the attention it would bring if he reached up. Party Pooper.

Tag yer it!

My dearest friend Heidi tagged me. I hate doing this kind of thing because people will discover how really truly dull I really am. And I mean really dull. So here are my 6 quirks. If you are still awake by the end of this, congratulations!

#1. Stemming from my father, I have a very dry humor. It is so dry and odd that I often find myself the only one laughing. But I end up laughing about it all night. In fact I'm laughing now.

#2. Meat. I am NOT a meat eater but its not because I am animal rights or anything like that, its because I am terribly frightened of gristle. Yup, gristle. Well and I hate having to floss after every bite of beef jerky.

#3. EWS. That stands for "eye winking syndrome". What is that? Well let me tell you....Every time I chew my right eyelid opens and closes slightly with each movement of my jaw. You may think I'm full of BS but it states it on my birth certificate. Now, don't look at me when I chew because I am highly self conscious of it.

#4. Food from Strangers. Why do I only have three kids? I can't take the food from complete strangers for a week straight while I recover. Now, if I know you and I know you wash your hands and clean under your nails I will eat from your CorningWare but if I don't then I will just have toast. Kind of sounds like I'm ungrateful and thats another reason I hate being tagged. Remember though, I have worked in a rest home.

#5. I am a total Book Freak. Rarely will you see me more than 5miles from my home without a book. I can't stand to have free time on my hands and I panic if I don't have something to read. Thats right, entertain me. But I hate romance stuff...

#6. Lastly, I always go for the underdog. In anything. When I was a kid I bought a bluetail lobster from a pet store because I felt so bad for it. The stupid thing didn't last very long but it made its impression, I ALWAYS go for the thing nobody wants so it won't be sad.

There you go, Jodi Lee Stevens Jones all wrapped up in 6 little answers.

Now go have a Red Bull on me.

Lance and the Escalade

We all know that Jeff is helping Al Gore and lessening his carbon footprint by riding Frontrunner every day to and from work. This also means he rides his bike to the Frontrunner station. Well as we were on the phone yesterday evening I get this......

"Oh, I was just hit by a car, I'm okay........" and the line goes dead.

WHAT?????

Another thing we all know is that Jeff has been hit numerous times by old ladies while he is out cycling. I figured it was no big deal since he said he was okay but nonetheless, I was worried.

I mean if it was so bad he would have asked me to come pick him up, right?

Yes folks, if you look close you'll see the tire mark from a Caddy Escalade imprinting itself along the outer edges of Jeff's pleated (I keep telling him pleats are OUT this season but he still wears them, so I'm secretly hoping he'll have to purchase a new pair of UNPLEATED khakis) pants. As the story unfolds he was riding in front of Layton Elementary when a big Caddy turns and hits him, throwing him entirely under the SUV and ruining the back wheel of his bike. The lady was so shook up that he took pity on her and rode off into the sunset with a bike that is unrideable. He must be doing something right because another inch and he'd be a star in his own VeggieTales movie playing the vegetable.

The good news: Jeff is fine, unhurt, and may have to go shopping at the Gap tonight.

The bad news: I am following him in the Pilot wherever he goes on his bike. Even if I have to go 5MPH.

PS....he pegs his pants at the bottom only when he rides his bike so that they don't get caught in the chain, he does remind me of the 80's when he does it though.

conversations with Emily and Garrett

This is what I heard while we were on our way somewhere in the car:

Garrett: Em, you are so buuiful (beautiful) I want to marry you!

Em: No Gar, you can't.

Garrett: But I wuv you.

Em: Our kids would turn out weird, like with three eyes.

Garrett: (laughing) And two big butts.

Em: (laughing also) And they would be fat butts with zits.

(this is where I put a stop to it because it would have just gone downhill from there)

I just really love that he thinks she is beautiful and she knows not to marry relatives.

***the pictures are of the two of them when they tried to see who could shove a piece of bread in their mouths fastest.

Poo in yer Toughskins

So today Gilly wanted to have a playdate with one of his preschool pals and I thought...hey why not? This is a cute kid that kept saying over and over "Garrett, your just so nice to me", which won me mover BIG time. As Gil was showing him around the digs I noticed that he kept touching his pants in the back so I asked him if he needed to use the facilities. Negative. They kept on playing and as the chill factor rose outside I had them come in to warm up. I smelled something a-foul. I made them each lay down so I could inspect the bottoms of their shoes for dog poo. Clean. I chalked it up to gas. Maybe alot of gas because the smell wasn't abating.

So here is my question:

What do you do when your playdate poo's his pants?

Well for a 4 year old you just keep playing.

I asked him if he maybe had just a teensey accident and he said "I'm okay" with his hand in the stop mode so as the Beetles said I just "let it be".

And nothing kills a playdate faster than poo in yer Toughskins

Meanwhile I am trying to keep my Kashi granola bar down where it belongs because it keeps coming up in my mouth. Thank goodness for Febreeze.

This week

Okay, I haven't blogged for a while. To be honest, I haven't felt the greatest but I'm getting better so here is my week......Jeff took Gil on his pumpkin patch field trip this week (way to go hun, stepping up to the plate once again). They had a great time and Gil picked a very large pumpkin.
Em was invited to go with some of our neighbors (the Spencers) to Pineview. She was just excited that she MIGHT see some fish (I let her take the camera).
She loved every minute of it! Even though she didn't see any wildlife she had a great time on the boat.
Abby had a character convention this week where they got to dress up as a character in a book. She chose to be an equestrian girl from the books Horseland. Thanks to my cousin Chris who let me borrow all of her daughters gear. And yes folks, I am showing you a picture of myself with NO makeup on and my hair uncombed. Gil was messing with the camera and took this. I decided to prove to everyone out there that I can keep it real and show you the real me. Please come back even if you are frightened.