who wants to put two sticks on their feet and slide down a mountain side trying to go as fast as they can? Stupid Sport.

I have just enough energy to type this...after I hit "publish" I'm going to bed. With a heating pad.

Last night we decided to take the kids skiing. Abby politely declined and Em is in St. George so it was a Gilly day.

I'm not the greatest athlete.

My sport is being nice...

That being said, I was a little nervous on the way up the ski lift...its been a while since I've had to get off one with skis.

As Garretts anticipation to get off the lift went up, mine went down.

Who want to be the person who falls when they get off the lift?

Not I.

As we approach the crest I get my skis ready.

I can do this.

There are several 3 year olds zipping by, I can do this!!!

Jeff and Garrett hold hands and stand.

I get ready to stand.

I'm doing this!!!

2 feet later I have one ski under the fence and the other ski facing the mountain.

I see so many things in my line of vision: my toddler years up to this moment zooms in and out.

I hear the lift shut down.

OH NO!

I AM that person who shuts it down.

I look for the love of my life..my "better skier and athlete all around half"

He is trying like mad to not laugh as he is racing over to help me up.

the lift guy untangles my ski

Jeff pulls me up

I am bruised and beaten

but just my ego.

I can't look this guy in the face

I mumble something that sounds like "thankyouverymuch, my ski hit a crevice"

In all honesty, it was really slushy

After snowplowing with all the 3 year olds down the hill I decide that I'm done with this sport.

I'm putting my skis on ebay and I'm done.

And I will strive to get the MVP in one sport and one sport only...

Being Nice.

Posts I'm working on:

Emily shot a bird with her BB gun.

She loves to store it in the grill.

She wraps it up in a Wal-Mart bag.

And brings it out for all to see.

We finally threw it out after four days of me worrying about what kind of disease is festering under her fingernails.

Video to come after I bribe my husband to show me how to unload it to the blog.

Garrett asked me the other day if Jeff was going to be a grandpa when he turns 8. He is 6.

Abbys maturation class is tomorrow.

I am already sweating in my armpits.

I hate that kind of stuff.

I am totally comfortable talking about poop and pee and vomit.

When it comes to secret parts I run and hide.

Why is that?

why I might need mental health assistance

Okay, lets start with this:

One day we decided to throw out all the old toys. We found an Ariel head, you know the ones you can do their hair? Well, Em decides to cut her hair to look like hers. Only it doesn't look so great so she decides to just give her a hack job. Then she decides to take her out and shoot BB's at her.

next is this...

Em decides to take a walk to the stables. I make her take my phone.

About 15 minutes later I get a call:

"MOM! Bring me a bag, quick! I found a nest and I think it might have a bird in it"

The mental heath issue I have is that I jumped in the car and brought her a bag so she could bring this home:

As cute as this may be he wanted to climb higher. I made him come down.

This is a picture of Em. She claims that it was really cold out and her nose turned red.

There really isn't anything wrong with this picture, I just wanted to post it because I just got a pedicure and I like how my foot looks.

The reason for this post comes from these next few pictures.

Have you ever been to Bath and Body and seen the soap they have in a can? This year it was Gingerbread spice and Gilly got a can for Christmas.

I walk in the bathroom to find this.

What I think is an entire can is squirted out on the floor.

I laughed a little and told him to clean it up. Then I told him that its a terrible waste and the reason we are in a global warming crisis is because little boys like you are using up entire cans of squirt soap in one bathing. Then I walked out.

When I walked back in a few seconds later this is what I found.

AGAIN

Turns out it wasn't the entire can in the first picture. Just half.

Can you see him hiding behind the curtain?

need a closer look?

oh, yeah. He knows he's in trouble

Thank goodness I have this guy to keep me sane.

Abbys Birthday and a whole lotta other stuff...

We celebrated Abigails 11th Birthday on Wednesday. Every day for the last three weeks its been this: Abby, what do you want for your Birthday? Only to be met with a shrug and a smile. I searched online, shopped every store to find the perfect gift that wasn't crap or a stuff animal. Guess what? Couldn't find it till the Monday before when I awoke with a start at 2 AM.

So we got her lots of clothes, jewelry, and....

a docking station for her Ipod.

She loved it all and her favorite part was being checked out of school (before math) to get a manicure (and not have math homework that night) (the entire math thing came to me in a dream).

Emily has been in heaven for the last two nights...one night we ate at Applebees for Abby, the next night at Texas Roadhouse for Grandpa.

Both places serve ribs.

She is saving the bones to make a necklace.

Jeff is out racing his #1 love of his life: his road bike.

okay, I'll give him some credit, I don't REALLY feel this way but he is pretty much in love with his bike. I mean, he makes me scoot way over so he can bring it to bed.

And I am preparing to spend 4 days at the Ritz Carlton. No kids. Jeff in meetings half the day and a spa that I plan on visiting.

I'll admit....I kinda wanted to bring the kids.

What is wrong with me?

My Rabbit

Today my kids were asking for a rabbit. A bit of a surprise because animal requests usually fall in the form of a wiener dog or a horse or a chameleon (Garrett). This request made me smile as I thought of my rabbit that I had at the age of 5. His name was Junior. Abby asked why I picked that name...well, here we go:

He was named after my favorite actor Denver Pyle.

Don't recognize the name?

Here is his picture

Is it coming to you yet?

There, does that ring a bell?
You see, even at the age of 6 I was in love with old people.
I only liked Uncle Jessie cause he was nice and I felt bad for him and he wore overalls like my favorite grandpa Ru (who liked me best. He gave me nickels from his plastic coin wallet but he only gave them to me, Sorry siblings to break the news to you this way).
Now, don't get me wrong...I loved Luke Duke (not Bo, bleh, he was too femmie) in a carnal way but Uncle Jessie had my heart.
And Daisy?
Harlot galore.
There wasn't a Friday that went by that I wasn't glued to the television watching that show.
For some reason I got the names Junior and Uncle Jessie mixed up but hey, I was six.
Those poor rabbits though.
You see we had a big Doberman Pincher named Thor.
Don't even ask me why because those are the most ferocious animal alive and he scared the poop right out of me several times.
He scared Junior too.
After Daisy (Micheles rabbit, see we loved D of H!) had her babies and ate them (talk about traumatizing. Why did she eat them? We never found out, I guess thats a question I'll carry to the grave) we accidentally left the rabbit pen door open.
They went for a midnight hop.
Thor had a midnight snack.
The carnage is forever imprinted on my mind.


Heres to you Junior.
And Uncle Jessie.
I hope your both in Heaven frolicking with Boss Hog.

What?

Funniest thing ever...I'm still laughing.

I volunteer in Garretts class daily. I'm there at the start of class.

Today they talked about the President.

The first question was, "do you know who the President is?"

They answered, "OBAMA!"

Then one of my favorite kindergartners (besides Gilly) said, "Yeah, he's the guy that keeps taking money from my mom and dad!"

Even for an Obama lover that was funny.

FOUND:

My camera was in my purse.

Now I just need to locate that battery charger.....

Overheard at Macaroni Grill....

My mom: "Garrett, you love me don't you?"

Garrett: "No, I just love your pasta"

I think we may be written out of the will

no more pictures

So I can't update with pictures. I have misplaced my camera. Again. I have looked in all the usual places and the only thing I can come up with is that I am terribly disorganized and my kids have probably lost it. In the process of looking for it I have been made to go through all the baby clothes and toys that were being saved for the grandkids. We made a charitable contribution of 8 garbage bags (not kitchen bags, the big black ones) to the DI. It was a little traumatic but new shelves were built (thank you Jeff) and now I can go out and buy new stuff to put on them....hahaha. Just kidding because my new budget doesn't allow that.

In other new:

Garrett is had a terrible ashtma attack last night and I thought he'd be put in the hospital (turns out it was secondary to a virus so now he is on steroids) and it really wasn't that bad of an attack but it happened between the hours of 10pm and 4am and I am never lucid during those hours.

Abby got her math homework done in less than 45 minutes tonight (thats a record)

and Emily wants to go to a cheerleading class so she can perform at halftime

if any of you have seen Emily dance you will know why I fear for her.

Jeff and Jodi + 7

Best news ever....my new nephew, Oliver was hatched. I, however am living in a circus house because I'm watching her 3 children plus the birth moms 2 year old.

I will post some pictures later of the fun and games.

I don't know how people with large families do this.

If it weren't for Monica, Jeff, and my sweet mother I'd be institutionalized.

If my tubes weren't tied already I'd be having surgery next week.

Garrett Benjamin Jones is 6!

Okay, I'm a little late on posting this...cut me some slack, I've had Christmas and I was sooo busy trying to please every person so my house and my emotions were a'shambles. Sigh. Welcome to Martyrdom.... So, on with the post!!!

This is Garretts fabulous classroom celebrating him. Some may know that he's not a real big candy guy so when I asked him what he wanted to bring for a treat he said....pizza. They loved it!

And this is his party day. We decided to go see Santa vs. the Snowman at the Clark Planetarium. Now, any sane mother would know that with this many kids you'd need someone really good with them...so we invited Ms. Patten to go (actually it was her suggestion, she LOVES my gilly boy). I also figured that it would be a great party favor to have them party with their teacher (most of the kids were from Gillys class). Let me just say one thing about Jacqui Patten: she is an angel from heaven. I couldn't have done it without her. The most handsome 6 year old. I love this kid! There is no other like him, he opens doors for me, he tells me that I'm beautiful, he says he likes my cooking second best after my mothers and Jeff's moms potatoes and rolls (which would make me third favorite but, hey, he was 5 at the time), and he squishes my heart. His Birthday cake

(have you ever tried to find a dinosaur cake 5 days before Christmas and your rushing around because you forgot to order one? I don't recommend it. But I found one. At Smiths, or was it Target? Anyway, it had a Dino looking thing on it so that works).Our gift came on Sunday, his actual Birthday. Friday was his class party, Saturday was his friend party. Monday I was seeking tranquilizers. (just kidding)

Jeff showing him how to hold the clubs fit for a midget.
(we bought these before the Tiger scandal, not that it would have made a difference in getting them but I maybe could have got a discount).

You should see him carrying them around...they have these backpack straps on them so he can carry them when they go to the country club.

Please stop growing up Gill.

I love you, no matter what.

Emily and Strep

So we are on day 17 of Strep.

Day 17? you say.

Yes, day 17.

17 days ago Emily was diagnosed with Strep.

After a few doses of abx (thats antibiotics for my non medical peeps) she felt much better but we finished her meds.

After 5 days in Idaho she returned, went to her riding lesson, and claimed a sore throat.

I thought she was faking to get out of church.

(hmmmm.....she must get that from Jeff)

Nope, not faking...its Strep again which means....a tonsillectomy is in her future! (please don't tell her that, we won't mention that until she's on the operating table getting pumped full of drugs)

On a side note....she hasn't showered since she LEFT for Idaho so I had to get her into the bathtub. It wasn't working out so well so I told her she could take Peanut in with her. That worked but I kinda feel bad for that hamster. I don't know, maybe he'll get pneumonia.

Poor guy.

Might find a spot next to the dead mouse I found next to the garbage can this morning.

Not the garbage can outside either.

Please, Lawd, take these varmints away!

The last of our pictures in California

Our favorite ride...we actually purchased a different picture but you have to come over to see it. Jeff is....well...being Jeff and I can't post it here. So come over and I'll give you a warm cup of hot chocolate and you'll see why.

Our second favorite ride...

(we love to fake Emily out every time we are on an elevator now which is going to result in some adulthood therapy I'm sure.)

You know, it was so crowded and I loathe people blocking the pathway to take pictures that you can pull from the internet and with a little photoshopping you can recreate your memories. Thats why I didn't take many. Too bad I don't have photoshop. Well, here they are in front of the rodent we all think is magical.

Back at the Marriott this was our lovely view.
sigh...it hurts to look at it because I need me some sun right now.

and thanks to Grandma we had a great Thanksgiving day craft.

So thats it folks.

In other news...My Christmas tree is dead and crumbling.

Garretts Birthday is coming up next week.

We are proving Christmas for a little 8 year old and all he asked for on his wish list is:

"a shirt, pants, and underwears"

so that means mama heartstrings have been pulled resulting in me wanting to foot the bill for everything including his Harvard education. Jeff is making me tone it down though.

ahhhh...the beach

Since I'm watching the snow fall and freezing my jibblets I decided to post about Sunny California. Our trip was fantastic. Jeff and the kids came home with tan lines (not so much for me, I had 3 books to read. Now do you see why I'm not the fun parent?)

So here we are at Newport Beach. Its on Emily and Gilly's top places to go. I happen to love it too because I get a huge kick out of them finding creatures and begging me to let them keep them. Some things include:

three dead lobsters

numerous hermit crabs

sea cucumbers

sea anemones

sea snails

tons of seashells

(its a state park so you can't take anything out which is why we sneak them in our pockets)

Abby here wouldn't touch anything at first. She didn't want to get her feet wet..

That apple didn't fall far from the tree

I finally convinced her that its okay to get her feet wet and explore

but she still wouldn't touch the dead lobster.

This was probably the coolest thing I've seen so far...Its a sea anemone eating a lobster tail.

Also notice the little hermit crabs. I love tide pools.

And here is Emily holding up some of her goods.

She actually found a midsize conch shell.

She named it chonchy and takes it everywhere she goes.

ahhhh well, I guess I'll go shovel some snow now.

sigh

My Man

I don't talk about Jeff as much as I should on here. I guess the reason why is I can't find the words to translate his humor. To me he is everything. To my kids he is everything. Without sounding sappy I hope I die first because I get a rash thinking about not having him.

Look at Gil checking him out, trying to mimic every move. I have never seen anger or rage in him and that reason alone is enough for me. There is always a laugh to be had, even in the smallest events. Even when he isn't home I'll be cracking up as I watch something on TV because I know what his response would be.

and the strangest thing to me...he wakes up happy. Every. Day.
Can't say the same for me!

Yeah, i guess you could say...He is the favorite.